Weasel Of Doom

I love my parents, but…

[exhibit A]

It is 10:30 pm, and both kids are bouncing off the walls.
Me: “Why won’t I put the kids in the stroller and go for a walk with them?”
Them: “Dad went for a walk with DemonChild two hours ago and that did not work.”
Me (thinking): “It worked earlier today for his nap, though… And perhaps now he is ready to fall asleep.”
Fast forward to 11 am. Both kids still up.
Dad: “What do you do in a situation like that?”
Me: “We put the kids in the stroller and go for a walk.”
Dad (not what he wanted to hear): “Even this late?”
Me: “Well, yeah. Though normally if they are still up like that by 10 pm, we head out – we don’t wait longer.”
Dad: “…”
Me: “Or we can take them for a drive. That usually works, too.”
Dad: “They’ll fall asleep soon.”
Me (thinking): “A car ride worked for DemonChild’s nap yesterday. The two of you have been wasting the last two hours trying to put the kids to bed. And you look at me like I am the idiot here?”
Me (out loud): “You ask what we do. I tell you, and you don’t want to try any of that. Then why do you even ask?”
Dad: “…”
It is now almost midnight and Squeektar is still awake. I wash my hands of this mess.
12:30. Mom gets Squeektar to fall asleep by giving him a stroller ride inside the house.
Mom: “Well, why DIDN’T you take them for a walk in the stroller?”
Me (thinking): “Because you and Dad said not to. Duh.”

[exhibit B]
Me (on the phone to parents a couple weeks ago): “And DemonChild picks up every single piece of junk he sees! And puts everything in his mouth! And does not obey when you say No.”
Mom: “What do you expect? He is a boy.”
Present day. Mom returns from her first walk with DemonChild.
Mom: “He picks up every single piece of junk he sees! And puts everything in his mouth! And does not obey when you say No.”
Me: “Ummm…. Told you….”
It took every ounce of willpower I have not to say, “What do you expect? He is a boy!”