Weasel Of Doom

Three weeks ago I started taking anti-depressants. I think the medication is beginning to work now. (Watch me jinx myself – fun for the whole family!) Part of it is probably getting out of the first trimester – it’s so nice not to physically feel like shit all the time. But another part is mental/emotional. It is getting easier to deal with things. Most of the time, I no longer want to just curl into a ball and hope everything goes away. It’s kinda nice not to want to die all the time :-)

You know how sometimes you really really want something but once you get it turns out that perhaps you did not want it so much after all? Happens to me all the time. Probably a sign that I should run my wants by a committee of level-headed people before escalating them to “really really want” status.

Case in point from a couple years ago: it was all fine and well to want a bigger house, but now that we have it, turns out that not only does it (a) comes with a bigger mortgage, but also (b) costs more in electricity/gas, (c) is a pain in the ass to keep clean, and (d) keeps needing maintenance. And seeing as the housing market tanked right after we bought the bigger house, we are kinda stuck with it for a while.

A much more recent case in point: wanting another baby was all fine and dandy, but turns out that “first trimester sucks ass” + “already having a three year old and a 1.5 year old makes things a lot harder” + “feeling like crap all the time for weeks at a time can really get to you” + “not having the energy to do anything is not helping things any” = “wanting to have more children was a really dumb idea.” Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but at 12 weeks pregnant about the only option I have is diligently applying myself to inventing a time machine, and praying that real soon now I will be able to function like a somewhat normal human being again.

So, yeah. Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.