Weasel Of Doom

Patchworkz game on Shockwave.com. Let me tell you, lvl 71 was a PITA!

But for now, the kitchen floor is finally clean!

I was supposed to go to a Girl’s Night Out on Saturday. Instead, I ended up having an all-day migraine, complete with throwing up and wanting to die. That is so NOT how I wanted my Saturday to go :-(

DemonChild (from the back seat):

“No hitting Keith…… That’s not nice!….. No pushing Tyler…… No hitting Keith!…… No hitting Tyler…. No hitting Keith…. That’s very bad… No hitting Keith….”

Me (taking a stab at parenting):

“Have you been hitting Keith?”

DemonChild (after a long silence, sounding undecided):

“Noooooooooooooooo….”

Me (deciding to play it safe since, after all, we have not had any complaints from daycare):

“You are right. We don’t hit people. Hitting is not nice!”

DemonChild (thoughtfully):

“No hitting Keith….. No pushing Tyler…. No hitting Keith…..”

Squeeker (not to be left out of the conversation):

“Wah wah papa wah wah snow bah bah mama”

EDITED TO ADD:

I am not worried that DemonChild is beating the crap out of poor Keith :-) DemonChild is the runt of the litter in that room, and Keith can stand up for himself. Not to mention that DemonChild’s modus operandi for dealing with adversity is throwing himself on the floor, weeping, wailing, and bashing head on wall for emphasis rather than, you know, actually smacking somebody to get a toy back.

DemonChild also has a habit of repeating sentences that weren’t necessarily addressed to him. “No pooping in the tub!” is one such favorite, told often and with grave emphasis. He has NOT ONCE pooped in the tub. That dubious honor goes to Squeektar.

So there are three possibilities to the whole “no hitting” thing:

(1) Keith is the one doing the hitting, and DemonChild is omitting a crucial comma in his recital (“No hitting, Keith!”)
(2) Keith gets hit a lot, so an imprecation to stop hitting him is heard often (“No hitting Keith!”)
(3) DemonChild was told not to hit Keith. (“No hitting Keith, DemonChild! That’s not nice!”)

Knowing the players involved, (1) or (2) are a lot more likely than (3). I may ask his teachers, just in case, but as I said above, not too worried about it.

[me:] “DemonChild, do you need to go potty?”
[DemonChild:] “No.”
[me:] “OK, Mommy is going to run upstairs and get some laundry quick.”

60 seconds go by. I am coming down the stairs with the laundry. On the edge of the living room carpet, there is a grinning Squeeker, holding the potty. In the background, DemonChild is frantically pulling up his pants.

[Squeeker:] WHEEEEEE!

Squeeker triumphantly wields the potty. Pee splatters all over the tile. As I am frantically trying to mop it up, the happy duo toodles off to the bathroom, and closes the door behind them.

Two minutes later. Disturbing sounds of happiness from the bathroom, accompanied by some splashing. I charge in just in time to see Squeeker attempting to bail water out of the toilet with the potty. DemonChild is laughing his skinny ass off. The only one not amused is Mommy.

….

For the record, they never pull this crap when their dad is around. I feel special, and not in a good way :-)

BelovedSpouse turned 40 today. He is celebrating by trying to ignore it. I was planning to have a surprise party for him, but first-trimester crappiness have nixed that, so he is on his own. I did promise to get the kids out of his hair on Saturday, so he can do whatever he wants. He has made absolutely no plans, so I won’t be surprised if he spends Saturday playing World of Warcraft. Which is totally fine with me.

However, our lack of enthusiasm for the big Four Oh is apparently galling to my mother-in-law. Who, according to BelovedSpouse, is less than thrilled that there is no party plans that include her. Ummm, yeah. Because that’s how everybody wants to spend their fortieth birthday – hanging out with Mom. NOT!

Then we get an email, tantalizingly titled “Birthday Selections.” Stupid me, ignoring 10 years of experience, reads the title and thinks, “Maybe she’ll watch the kids some evening so we can go out to dinner! Or maybe she’ll even feel brave and keep them overnight!” Yeah, I am a slow learner. Here are the actual selections offered to us:

(1) tickets for us two and DemonChild to see a young children’s theater production, designed especially for 3-5 year olds
(2) yearly family pass to the zoo
(3) yearly family pass to the museum

I am having some trouble working up an appropriate level of enthusiasm.