Weasel Of Doom

This morning, Sergey walked into our bedroom and announced, “Look, shirt pants!” He put his legs into the sleeves of his shirt, making the aforementioned shirt into pants. We were amused.

We ended up splitting kid care this weekend. On Saturday, Bill took care of the kids in the morning, and then I took them to gymnastics while he went to work. At gymnastics, I have managed to acquire extra kids, since we bring bionicles and legos with us, and other mothers gladly let their kids play with mine while they (mothers) relax. I don’t mind (because it keeps my kids entertained, too), but I do find it funny. Our gymnastics have wi-fi, so I could catch up on emails and socializing (yay Facebook for iPod app). Then my friend Rachel got there with her boys, and we got to hang out a bit. After gymnastics, I called my parents on Skype, and they watched the kids being goofy. Mel came over around 4:30, enabling me to do a quick run to the library and a surgical strike to Pick’n'Save for apples and ice cream. I went to the mega-Pick’n'Save, and it’s huge! Took me a while to find my two items ;) Bill got home with the pizza, I made apple crisp, Bill gave the kids a bath, and that was that. We watched an episode of Vampire Diaries, and I was in bed by midnight. Oh, and I managed to do dishes and laundry, too, and take down Halloween window clings upstairs.

Today Bill watched the kids while I had the day to myself. I slept in (as much as one can while being interrupted by screaming children, but still), had lunch and did more dishes, then put Xavier to bed and went to work. My mother-in-law, who was supposed to come over around noon, did not show up until 2:30, and apparently left without putting the kids to bed (which was the plan). I am not surprised, but I am annoyed at how unreliable she is.

I started feeling sick an hour or so after I got to work, so instead of being productive I cleaned up my office. *sigh* Time to go home and go to bed (or possibly throw up). The fun, it never ends.

Today at gymnastics, the boys got pieces of paper with the next class they should take. MiddleIOne moved up a level. OldestOne is staying where he was. I wonder how the new schedule will work out. And I can’t figure out what class MiddleOne will be in, because I have accidentally washed that piece of paper. Somebody please shoot me now.

[updated half an hour later] After checking my jeans pockets and finding absolutely nothing, I had an epiphany and remembered that I used MiddleOne’s class placement piece of paper as a bookmark, in order to not lose it. So now I know that he will be in Tiny Tot, and OldestOne will be in Beginner I. If anybody sees my brain wandering around looking lost, please return it to me. I promise to be nicer to it this time around :-)

[this post has been back-dated]

I have been so jealous of other people lately. I know I should be focusing on all the good things I have, but instead all I can see is what I lack.

• I am jealous that my cousin’s daughter is bilingual (even though I have not put an effort to teach my kids Russian)
• I am jealous that my friends’ kids can read, and mine cannot (even though I haven’t made an effort to teach them)
• I am jealous that other people have fulfilling jobs (even though I have not looked for a new job, or tried to improve the one I have)
• I am jealous that other people are on top of things (even though I opt to waste my time on web surfing and reading books)

I don’t think I like myself very much.

Today, in no particular order, I:

• Fell back asleep after the alarm went off; as a result, was late for work because house wasn’t ready for company tonight and dinner wasn’t started.
• Got ambushed at work by a member of a certain department that’s been haunting me for weeks, to the point that my “flight” instinct gets automatically triggered whenever I see any of them.
• Found out that my MIL did not, indeed, spend two weeks taking care of her god-daughter’s kids, but instead went to NY to visit her favorite son and his wife after a couple of days. Oh, and I did not find that out from her.
• Was informed that said MIL still wants my husband to go and rake leaves for her on the weekend.
• Got an email that our friends who were supposed to come to dinner had to cancel.
• Learned that Sergey peed his pants AND shoes at daycare. Urine soaked shoes, just what I needed.
• Spent most of the three hours I saw my kids today yelling at them for various reasons.
• Went back to work at night because I can’t get anything done during the day.

This is getting ridiculous ;(

I am not feeling well today, and everything is annoying me:

• Gawker blocks. Come on, people, we have all seen police cars on the side of the road before. So keep your feet on the gas pedals, will you?
• Self check-out lanes at Pick’n'Save. Do those automatic voices have to be so loud? If I hear “you have saved 10 cents” one more time, I will scream. Also, the death spiral of “unexpected item in bagging area; please remove item” – “item removed from bagging area; please put item back” has got to go.
• My children. Why is it that other people’s kids acquire new skills and say the darnedest things, while mine scream like banshees and find new tunes to play on my nerves? (Don’t answer this one. I am fully aware that the problem is between chair and keyboard.)
• The majority of commenters on JSOnline.com. For an example, read the comments on this Eugene Kane’s article. Yes, almost everything IS a race issue for Kane, but some of the commenters truly are “holes on the fabric of humanity,” to paraphrase Dostoyevsky.
• Feeling sick. Because being sick sucks.

Sleep deprivation — the poor man’s antidepressant — works great for me. I stay up all night, and voila, I am less depressed. Of course, I also end up taking naps on the office floor. Worth it, though.

In other good news, our community rec dept added another swimming class in OldestOne’s age range, so starting next week he’ll be swimming on Monday nights. Yay.

And on this note, I am going to drag my tired, over-caffeinated butt to bed. On the agenda: reading Jim Butcher’s “Death Masks” and turning out the lights as soon as Husband bathes the kids and YoungestOne shows up in our bedroom demanding to sleep in our bed.

It have not been a good couple months. I am feeling helpless and screwed up and unmotivated and a failure. Kids are driving me insane. The acting out, the not listening, the disobedience, the whining — it’s like Chinese water torture. I am behind on everything at work. I have four months of mail to go through. My house is cluttered and it’s driving me insane. Little things other people do or say send me deeper into the depression spiral. I can’t well say to people, “Coddle me, I am feeling fragile today” because that’s really fucked up and entitled and I do know it is not all about me, but oh dear God, I just want everything to go away.

[I have debated about posting this. For what it's worth, I am OK, and not weaving my own rope or looking for a convenient cliff to drive off. I just sit on the couch and read books and pretend this train wreck is not happening to me, instead of actually doing something about it. A lot of my problems are self-inflicted, I know.]

I do not handle stress well when I am depressed. Undepressed, I rise to the occasion and get things done. Depressed, I sit around, twitch, and do nothing. On Friday, a number of projects got promoted to “should have been done yesterday” status. Except, of course, they weren’t done on Thursday, and things weren’t looking good for them to get done on Friday, either.

Long story short – I left work at 6 am on Saturday. Two of the big projects got done. I still have one that needs to get done before Monday, and one to do first thing on Monday.

On my way out, I ran into the guy who was one of the reasons I had to work a 20-hour day. He was just coming in to work. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was going home, and explained that I had to work all night to finish the projects he decided were top priority. Needless to say, I did not get a “OMG, you should not have worried about it!” back. He told me to have a good weekend. Let’s see.

• I did not go swimming with X
• I did not get to hang out with the gaming group
• I screwed up my internal clock because I went to bed at 6:30 am
• Kids did not go to gymnastics because I was asleep and Bill was not feeling well
• Because I was asleep, Bill did not get any time to work on his work projects

I am not sure if “good” is a word we are looking for here…

Xavier decided that being Best Baby Ever (TM) is over-rated, and instead entered the race for Most Likely To Throw A Temper Tantrum For Absolutely No Reason (TM).

Today, he had

• Screamed because it was time to get up
• Screamed because Bill came into the room
• Screamed because Bill left the room
• Screamed because I came into the room
• Screamed because I left the room
• Screamed because the TV was off
• Screamed because the TV was on
• Screamed because he had to get dressed
• Screamed because his waffle was not ready
• Screamed because it was waffles for breakfast
• Screamed because it was time to put on shoes
• Screamed because he was the last one to get shoes on
• Screamed because he did not want a coat
• Screamed because he was cold
• Screamed because he could not hold his artwork
• Screamed because he was poopy and needed to be changed
• Screamed because it was time for a bath
• Screamed because bath time was over
• Screamed because it was time to go to bed
• Screamed because he was in his bed instead of ours
• Screamed because he was in our bed instead of his

I may have exaggerated a bit, but you get the idea ;-)

(For those of you who got to this post from an email notification – I just wanted to let you know that I am alive and attempting to blog, so come visit if you want. I won’t send out any more email notifications. And sorry for the duplicate email, too! That’s what happens when I edit posts at 3 am)

This note was on OldestOne’s shirt when he got home today. I appreciate that they did not add “or we’ll contact Child Protection Services, because you obviously suck at this parenting thing.”

And, on the same day:

You gotta be kidding me.

Another November is upon us, and with it comes NaBloPoMo. Last November, I was too messed up to even try (as a matter of fact, there is not a single post for November 2009. So yeah, must have been a bad month). We shall see what this November brings.

I have discovered a new way to avoid getting things done – watching “Avatar: The Last Airbender” via Netflix Instant Play. Just started Book 2: Earth tonight. Take that, laundry, dishes, and bills! Maturity, who the hell needs it…

In other news, still depressed. Ambushed Bill last night, and he promised to grow back his goatee if I go back on anti-depressants. Sounds good to me. Memo to self: husband v. easy to persuade at 3 am, when he is half-asleep. Must bargain for other stuff once Goal: Goatee is achieved. Called OB-GYN office to schedule the yearly exam (and ask for a Prozac prescription) only to find out that my doctor is not scheduling any appointments due to medical reasons. Now very worried about doctor’s health, and goatee-deprived for at least another month. The universe is screwing with me again ;-)

Children continue being pains in the rear. Between Mr. I-Am-Not-Going-To-Tell-You-A-Thing (“School was good, I had hot lunch”), Mr. I-Am-Going-To-Whine-From-The-Moment-I-Open-My-Eyes-To-The-Moment-I-Close-Them (self-explanatory, I trust), and Mr. No-Is-My-Favorite-Word-And-Kicking-Mom-Is-My-Favorite-Thing-To-Do-At-Night, I am losing my sanity faster than it can get regenerated during escapes to work. Can you tell?

I have been dipping my toes in the murky waters of cooking (if putting stuff in the crock pot counts as such), and here are the recipes that worked so far:

Red, White, and Blueberry Fruit Salad
(adapted from Allrecipes.com)

# 1 pint strawberries, hulled and cut into easy-to-eat pieces
# 1 pint blueberries
# 1/2 cup white sugar

Mix the strawberries and blueberries together in a bowl, sprinkle with sugar, and toss lightly. Refrigerate until cold, at least 30 minutes. Serves 8.

The original recipe called for 4 bananas, and for adding lemon juice so that the aforementioned bananas won’t brown. I found that they browned anyway, so did away with bananas altogether. Also, the recipe called for quartering the strawberries, which seemed too large for me, so I cut mine smaller.

Bill eats this fruit salad with whip cream. I have seen plain yogurt used, as well.

Easy Pot Roast and Veggies
(adapted from Fix-It and Forget-It Cookbook)

3-4 lbs chuck roast
4-6 medium potatoes, cubed
1 lb baby carrots (or 4 medium-sized carrots, sliced)
4-6 celery ribs, sliced
1 envelope of dry onion soup mix
3 cups of water

Put the veggies at the bottom of the slow cooker, and the roast on top of them. Combine the soup mix with three cups of water, pour the mixture over the meat. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours.

I have experimented with adding bay leaf, garlic, and whole peppercorns for more flavor.

Pork Chop Slow Cooker Casserole
(adapted from Fix-It and Forget-It Recipes for Entertaining)

3-4 pork chops
4-5 medium potatoes, cubed
10 3/4 oz can cream of chicken soup
10 3/4 oz can cream of celery soup
15 oz can green beans, drained

Layer ingredients in the slow cooker in the order listed. Cover and cook on low for 8 hours.

Apple Crisp
(adapted from Fix-It and Forget-It Recipes for Entertaining)

2/3 cups sugar
1 1/4 cups water
3 Tbsp cornstarch
4 cups of sliced apples
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon (optional)
1/4 tsp ground allspice (optional)
3/4 cups quick oatmeal
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup butter at room temperature

Combine white sugar, water, cornstarch, apples, and spices. Place in cooker. Combine remaining ingredients until crumbly. Sprinkle over apple filling. Cover and cook on low 2-3 hours.

I have made this with frozen blueberries instead of apples, and it tasted good. Bill thinks there is too much cornstarch in the recipe.

UPDATE (December 2010): I prefer the non-slow cooker apple crisp, now that I made it a few times.

After a really really pathetic month, I finally got my butt in gear and some stuff got done.

Yesterday: did laundry, vacuumed upstairs and downstairs, organized all the toys in the great room, put the dishwasher through its paces twice (so no more dirty dishes taking over the counters), washed the kitchen floor (we were starting to stick to the tile, ugh), cleaned the downstairs bathroom, nailed the long decorative rope-like thing that sits on top of the couch skirt back to the couch, and got the food dehydrator going with four trays of apple slices.

Today: took the kids to the park after picking up some books from the library; replaced the velcro on a pair of YoungestOne’s shoes and one OldestOne’s shoe (how he managed to rip it off in the first place I will never know); did another load of dishes; prepped the veggies for pot roast for tomorrow morning; and started another four trays of apples dehydrating.

And now I am tired and going to bed. Going to read a little bit of “Hunger Games” and then crash. Wonder how many more days my unnatural productivity will last….

I am reasonably sure that my tax refund cannot be greater than the amount of taxes I actually paid. So, ummm, if I paid $1,400, I should NOT be getting a refund of $4,000, am I right? (Did some looking around online, and apparently, tax credits can indeed result in a refund that’s more than what I paid in taxes. Still, I am going to triple-check everything, because I don’t want to make any mistakes.) Also, how the hell do I end up owing taxes to the state of Wisconsin while getting a sizable refund from the feds? Color me even more confused. Also, color me NOT filing my taxes until I figure this mess out… *sigh*

Probably the best indicator of my mental health state is how much paperwork is sitting around the house. When I am doing well, there is usually at most a week’s worth of stuff waiting to be filed. When I am not doing well, mail starts piling up. I just checked, and the last time I filed a bill was [drum roll, please] April 2009. Not a typo. It’s been a year and three months.

So tonight, I went through five big diaper boxes filled with bills, kids artwork, notes from school and daycare, and junk mail (courtesy of a particularly rough April and May). Kids artwork is now in the pretty IKEA boxes. I put two 5-gallon garbage cans of junk mail into the recycling bin. What’s left is two diaper boxes – one with bills etc which need to be sorted and filed, and one with kid mementos which need to be put in their memory boxes. Guess what I will be doing for the next couple nights :-)